#i have so many thoughts but maybe this is one of the memories when i felt safe (not any more tho)
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First of all, let me just thank you for taking the time to explain all of these points! There were many contexts here I didn't know about and it helps make more sense of the story! So thank you so much ❤️
And the thing about Ancient Greek and color is really fascinating! Kudos to the people that first began translating the ancient texts, because oh boy! Hahaha @mari--lace also mentioned in the replies how it is not a consensus on Athena's eye color either. I've only ever heard about the "wine colored sea" point, but never had the thought to dig deeper and learn more. I am definitely going to change that hahaha There are so many interesting things to learn, no wonder so many scientists have been studying the topic for centuries.
I'll have to admit, our poor Menelaus really did suffer a lot, dear Gods. Since my first contact with him was through the Odyssey and some fandom posts, sometimes I forget Agamemnon was his brother. And yes, as much as he loved Odysseus, learning about your brother's death like that can't be easy to digest. And the timeline of how long he stayed shipwrecked was a little fuzzy to me, so it makes sense that after 7 years, his memory would be hazy! I see what you mean when you refer to it as a vision/dream now. I didn't know Aegisthus had them exiled either, so that definitely adds even another layer to the hell Menelaus' life was at that time! We talk so much about Odysseus' hardships, but oh my, poor Mene didn't catch a break either, I'm appalled 😰 I have yet to wrap my mind around the fact the the poems were supposed to be performed out loud as well. A lot of the narrative choices make way more sense when you remember that, it's not just a regular book. I suppose that is why some things sound jarring when you read it for the first time.
And yes! Oh my, I never thought the texts would be so expressive and so warm, you know? We tend to have this idea that people from different times were too cold and distant, but they were still human at the end of the day. Of course they'd be affectionate to the ones they loved! And to be honest, it reminds me of when I read Sherlock Holmes for the first time. It really caught me by surprise how Sherlock and Watson were described and how they talked about each other in such a loving way. I don't know when we stopped writing platonic relationships so beautifully like that, but it truly is a loss to modern literature, in my humble opinion.
And I had no idea about Odysseus' own prophecy! I did know he tried to avoid going to war, but I just assumed it was because he had a newborn son and wanted to be there for Penelope. In that scenario, it really is fair to point out Menelaus trying to warn them wouldn't change much. On that note, Athena herself also told Telemachus Odysseus was alive and he didn't believe her, the Wisdom Goddess hahaha I hadn't thought about that before, but it really does illustrate how hopeless all of them were. If Telemachus didn't believe Athena, you're right, he wouldn't really care about Menelaus' letter either.
I knew about the law of Xenia, so I assumed that was the only reason stopping them from sending the suitors away. I admit I was a tad bit confused why Telemachus didn't force the suitors to leave once he outright had Athena's and Zeus' blessing, so your explanation really helped me make sense of everything!
It's such a nice and sweet detail to have Telemachus and Odysseus going through their journeys at the same time (Telemachus' first journey and Odysseus' last journey, even!), only to meet again at home and taking back control of their palace together. Maybe I teared up a bit, can't deny nor confirm hahahahaha
You are still way more knowledgeable on the topic, and your academic background gives a perspective other people might not have. So I think it's fair to call you as such 🥰❤️
Oh, I see! Sorry, I'm a bit too anxious at times and end up worrying too much that I gave the wrong impression or was rude by accident hahaha
This has been a lovely discussion indeed! Once again, thank you so much for being so kind to explain everything, I'll definitely be reading the books with new perspectives and insights!
Telemachus is so much stronger than me for real. Cause if I had traveled for days, by sea AND land, arrived at the palace of my father's friend and my mother's cousin to humbly ask if they know anything about my missing father and instead of just fucking telling me already, this mf started a monologue about how gay he is for my dad and about the time he captured a God that granted him wishes three, I'd already be telling him to Hurry The Fuck Up. IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.
But if the same motherfucker then turned around and told me that he had known FOR YEARS NOW that my dad is trapped on an island AND THE MOTHERFUCKER DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!!!! NOT A SINGLE LETTER!!! I would have already strangled Menelaus with that fucking blond hair of his in front of his wife and children, unhelpful son of a bitch.
#the odyssey#from the looks of it you are already doing a good job!#<- thank you so much you are too sweet ❤️🥹#telemachus#menelaus
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So, I did know the basic psychology of this. Or I have a good guess at least. But I was too tired and just needed a way to end the post quickly. I am running on fumes nearly all the time and sometimes I just do whatever I need so I can publish something and feel like I accomplished a goal.
But a few people are having issues with what I said.
They mentioned that autistic folks find comfort in repetition and feel like I am calling that sad. I definitely see that as a possible interpretation and I appreciate them mentioning feeling that way.
But I just wanted to use a little bit of energy to address why I don't think I was referring to these normal, healthy coping mechanisms. I mentioned in a reply that my father actually needed to watch the same show over and over because he was too sick to concentrate on something unfamiliar. I get why it can be helpful.
Firstly, I don't know many autistic people who trap everyone they know at a party and play the same 12 songs over and over.
By and large, that aspect was what I found most sad.
But aside from that, I see this repetitive behavior as a very different thing.
In fact, I would say it isn't the behavior itself... it is the *reason* for the behavior.
I see Trump's repetitive behavior more as living in the past, stuck in his ways, being stubborn, and unwilling to try new things. Something I see a lot with elderly conservative folks. They yearn for a better time in the past when they forgot all of the shitty things and only remember happy times. They say music was better in the good old days and refuse to consider any good music could be created outside of that golden age.
Trump is stuck in the 80s and 90s. He was young and healthy and grabbing pussy and fucking models (with and without consent) and going to parties of important people. He was invited to celebrity weddings and was literally Regis Philbin's best friend. Society generally liked him. He was just the goofy rich guy with the hair and many of us thought he was really good at business. Something enhanced by The Apprentice which was heavily edited to make him seem like a business genius. He likes people thinking he is good at business more than he likes being president.
I actually think he hates being president and only ran this time to stay out of jail.
Trump is not well liked as he used to be. No matter how many cult members love and praise him, he remains deeply unhappy. His wife refuses to touch or even kiss him in public. She does this little hand escape thing every time he tries to hold her hand. And when he tries to kiss her she makes him do that French thing where he has to kiss the air near her head.
Every one of his current "friends" is just playing the game. They are hoping their fealty will help them climb the ladder. I doubt he has a single genuine friend left. Except maybe Rudy Guiliani, who turned into a fucking nutball.
He was traumatized from being inches away from death and I think that was the real reason he moved his inauguration inside. A life long New Yorker is pretty well adapted to the cold.
He probably has erectile dysfunction. He is said to need a diaper. People say he smells really bad. Getting old sucks for everyone, but it is devastating to a narcissist of Trump's caliber.
Trump is in a psychological prison of unhappiness and all he has left is his rallies and his parties where he tries to trigger memories of better times. He has the world's thickest nostalgia glasses.
Why do you think he says "Make America Great AGAIN"?
He says he is going to restore the US to its "former glory."
Almost every personal and political goal of his is based on restoring how things used to be. Which is why he so easily fit into the regressive Republican party despite being a New York Democrat for most of his life.
Trump has elderly nostalgia brain and he is stuck in a loop. He is desperately trying to recreate his glory days.
I get why people had an issue with the caption. And I should have waited until I had more energy to clarify.
In the end, this man is stuck in his ways and stupendously uncurious of new things.
And those are terrible traits for a president.
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♪ 444 𝑏𝑦 𝐴𝑠ℎ𝑙𝑒𝑦 𝑆𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑛𝑎 ♪
༺༺ Devour ༻༻
Oneshot ~ Bonten x Female Reader
Summary ~ You are devastated to learn that your soulmates are power-hungry monsters entrenched in an illegal industry. Despite knowing they only seek to consume your life source, no matter how fast you run, you can never escape fate.
Featuring ~ Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Kokonoi Hajime, Kakucho, and the Haitani Brothers
Extra Notes ~ *Slight Language Barrier
*I didn’t mean to make this story as angsty as I did.
This story should only be posted under eempyreall on my tumblr and ao3. Report if you see it posted under anyone else but me.
l apologize if I get any Japanese etiquette or culture wrong, I literally have to research the culture for some of my fandom stories so if anything is wrong, please excuse my ignorance.
Warning ~
You and the characters are 21+. Although I picture the reader as a black cis-gendered female, physical appearance will not be described at all.
Content within this story may not be realistic or factual.
I do not condone any of the behavior displayed within the story.
There may be dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit content, sexual content, non consensual and/or dubious consensual content, etc.
That being said, this story is for 18+ only.
Your breathing is ragged as the platform of your shoes slam against the pavement. Liquid runs down your face as rain pours from the nightly firmament. You rub your eyes to clear the drops of water from your eyelashes so you can continue making your way through the crowd.
You’ve finally escaped your prison with nothing but the clothes on your back. You have no clue what to do other than run through this foreign city.
It was supposed to be a normal trip. An impulsive decision on your part. You decided to stay in Japan for a week just to take a break from your work life back home. Truly, you had grown bored of your everyday routine and decided to up and leave.
Your friend reprimanded you out of love, knowing you tend to act impulsive despite your overthinking tendencies. You ignored the small voice in the back of your mind and said, “Fuck it,” before buying your ticket, packing your bags, and disappearing.
What you hadn’t expected was to finally meet your soulmates.
It was a beautiful night in Tokyo. The lights of the city shimmered as busy people—tourists and natives alike—walked the streets. You strolled alone, leaving a random bar as you made your way through the crowd.
Suddenly, you feel a pull in your chest, eyes locking on the red ribbon that protrudes from the middle of your chest. You watch in awe as it spreads out in front of you, the soul tie flying through the air before splitting into seven strands.
“Seven?!” you breathe out in disbelief. You can’t fathom finding one soulmate, let alone seven.
You spent years bitter and lonely when you couldn’t find them. It was a normal occurrence to find your soulmate on your eighteenth birthday, as everyone else did in your town. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for you.
Considering you never even felt a slight pull from your chest, it was concerning. You thought that maybe your mate had died tragically, or perhaps you were one of the unlucky individuals who could never find your mate.
You spent many nights crying yourself to sleep, as this occurrence was seen as something very tragic. You wanted to be loved. You wanted to be cared for, and you were tired of the loneliness consuming you. So when you finally felt the pull and saw the ties in a foreign setting, you didn’t hesitate to follow where they led you.
“God, I’m so stupid!” you exclaim as you recall the memory. The months you wasted being nothing but a fucking energy source caused tears to mix with the raindrops on your cheeks.
You feel broken and used. You never knew how awful your soulmates could make you feel. You should’ve known when you figured out who they were—what they stand for and their tainted morals.
“I—is this the real reason why you all accepted me? Am I truly nothing but a pawn to bring you more power?”
Your heart ached, your stomach heavy as you felt nausea build in the back of your throat at the statement Kokonoi just told you. You bring your fingers to your mouth, biting your nails as you await his response, your eyebrows furrowed.
“You are fulfilling an important role for Bonten. You can never leave.”
Your eyes widened as the platinum-haired male kept his arms behind his back, intently eyeing you with an unreadable gaze. You glare at him with anger as you step forward, his office lamp shining the only light into the dark room.
“It all makes sense now. Whenever I gave myself to any of you, I always felt pure weakness after. For days I couldn’t move after you took from me, and yet somehow you all were stronger than ever. You never even bothered to replenish me. You lied. You all lied to me!”
You fight the tears threatening to fall as you feel your face heat up with anger. The cold look Koko gives you really hurts. Where was the man with the content smile who asked you to give him a show when he had you try on new outfits? Where was the man who was a romantic? Had you really been deceived all this time?
“We did what we had to do. In order to receive your life source to the fullest, you must be happy with the circumstances, so we made you comfortable,” he said with impatience in his tone, stepping closer to you.
“You say it like it’s some sort of transaction,” you respond, disgust prominent in your expression and tone. You look at him with wide eyes, a scowl fixed on your face.
“It has always been a transaction, Y/n.”
You continue to run to nowhere, passing by citizens as you shove them out of your way, apologizing swiftly in the process. You knew that you had to at least find a place with a phone.
“I’ve been here for a while, Rin. Don’t you think I should learn more Japanese instead of you guys being my personal translators?”
The purple, mullet-haired man wraps an arm around your waist as he keeps you pinned to his lap, the rest of your legs lying on the seat of the sofa as he leans back in his seat. He ignored you while his lips grazed your neck, sucking the skin as he fed from you, the soul tie wrapped around your figures.
“Rin!” you exclaim as you try to catch his attention, pulling back from him slightly as he sighed, giving you a lazy smirk.
“You don’t need to learn any language. T’s not like you’re around anyone else anyway,” he responds before his hand meets the back of your head, forcing you into a heated kiss as you feel the drain of your energy. You obliged as you weakly kissed back, pathetically yearning for the touch as he was rarely affectionate aside from feeding. The soul tie tightens as the kiss deepens.
You grab your own scalp at the unwarranted flashback. God, you felt so stupid. It had been right in front of you the whole time and yet you missed it. Then again, maybe you hadn’t really missed anything at all. You just ignored that familiar voice in the back of your head. You blamed the unsettling feeling in your stomach on your own nerves and insecurity.
“I don’t want to see this shit anymore!” you scream at Sanzu, shoving his chest as you turn away from the limp body in front of you.
He snatches your wrists, pulling you closer to his chest with the maniacal grin growing on his expression. His enlarged pupils almost replace the blue in his irises.
“Yer gonna fucking kill him, Y/n.”
You preferred when Sanzu was sober.
Although he was still sadistic, he seemed much calmer and more collected. He was especially gentler when feeding from you in the bedroom, despite his erratic and rough behavior when he was high.
"No, I'm not! Let me go, you fucking asshole!" you yell, yanking your arms from his grip, only for him to twist you around and force you to face the kneeling man who was barely conscious.
You glare at the deep lacerations and bruises on the man’s skin as Sanzu forces you to hold the gun. His fingers are wrapped around your trembling hand as he aims the weapon at the male’s head.
Before you can react, he forces your finger to pull the trigger with his own. Your body jolts at the loud noise as the blood from the man splatters on your own legs. You begin to hyperventilate while eyeing the dead human, something you’ve never seen before.
The way the pieces of brain and blood have splattered on the floor — the way the man’s head dropped and his body limped. The dullness of his open eyes. The bullet split his skull open, the skin no longer concealing what’s beneath. His face was almost unrecognizable, split open in the top middle of his features.
Once Sanzu released his grip, you dropped to the floor, body shivering as the hairs on your arms stood straight. You couldn’t stop staring at the bloodied corpse in front of you. The smell made you sick.
Arms hugged you from behind as legs trapped you from both sides of your body.
“You killed that man in cold blood,” he chuckled, lips meeting your neck to begin sucking your energy. The red ribbon forms around both of your figures, locking you in place.
You finally reach a structure that looks inviting, with its lack of people and a bright light.
You rush to the entrance, pushing the door open swiftly. A black-haired man eyes you with concern, his hand gripping a broom.
“I need help!” The man seems to understand your distorted Japanese as he nods before walking toward you.
The palms of your hands cover your eyes as tears smear against your cheeks. Kakucho strokes the middle of your back as you both sit on the edge of the bed.
“I’m tired of being trapped in here, Kakucho! I just feel like this is some sort of trick or something. Do mates really act like this over here? Everything is so much different back home. I feel like a prisoner who’s used for labor here. I can barely feel my arms and legs at times.”
He pulls you closer, causing you to straddle his thighs as he wraps his arms around your waist. You continue to cry on his shoulder before his hands rub up your torso, slightly pulling you back so you’d make eye contact.
“I want you to know that you’re important to us. Without you, we’d be weaker. We need you, Y/n,” he says before pulling you into a kiss, the soul tie returning as it traps you both together.
Your eyebrows furrow at his words. Although they were meant to sound sweet, there seemed to be a hidden meaning—or… was it really that hidden?
“I need a phone!” you exclaim, pointing at the device lying near the register. “I need to call someone! Please!”
He nods before handing you the phone.
“Thank you!” you respond before walking to the back of the store, erratically dialing your friend’s number.
“F—F/n! I need your help!”
You hadn’t been able to contact her for months, considering you weren’t allowed a phone. They told you it was because they couldn’t afford any leaks to their whereabouts, considering what they do for work.
“Y/n? Hey! Are you okay? What’s going on?”
“I found my soulmates! But I’m in trouble! They aren’t who I thought they’d be, and they’ve been holding me captive for months! I—I need you to get me out of here! I have nothing! Please!”
You felt bad for bringing her into this, but you had nothing. No money, no phone, not even an extra pair of clothes. You didn’t have time to grab anything. You had to leave immediately or else you might have ended up killed.
After you stole Ran’s gun when he fell asleep, you immediately rushed to the guard who would be taking you to Mikey’s headquarters, contemplating your next move as you sat in the back seat. They hadn’t noticed the gun in your back pocket nor when you slowly pulled it out while eyeing the rearview mirror. Before they could even begin driving, you shot both men who sat in the front of the car, killing them accidentally considering you had a bad aim. You hadn’t had time to think about the fact you had just murdered two people.
“Y/n,” the voice sings behind you.
You freeze in your spot, eyes widened as your friend calls your name. Slowly, you turn to see Kazutora standing there, a grin on his face. You shakily snatch the gun from your pocket and aim it at his torso.
“Stay away from me,” you hiss with a mix of anger and fear. You watch as the soul tie forms, connecting both of your chests, the red ribbon stretching in the space between you.
“Aww, are ya really gonna shoot me? That’s not very nice,” he chuckles with mock disappointment.
At that moment, you realize that you can’t shoot him.
Why don’t they ever say it back?
The lump in your throat burns as you drop the phone, staring at Kazutora with a crazed look on your face. His grin shifts into a frown as he watches your movements with caution, the ribbon vanishing.
Is this all I’m ever good for?
“Put the gun down, Y/n,” he says calmly.
You scream, your throat gurgling with blood as you try to snatch the scissors back from Ran’s grip, the bathroom floor covered in red as he forces you on your back.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” His smooth voice is filled with unease.
You tried to cut the soul ties by stabbing your own chest. You don’t know how you survived but the medic must’ve arrived in time, rushing you to Bonten’s underground hospital.
“I don’t want to go back,” your voice breaks as your breathing becomes erratic, bringing the gun to your head.
Your eyes shut tightly with your teeth clenching.
Why can’t you just let me go?
Before you can pull the trigger, a hand roughly knocks the gun out of your grasp before yanking you from behind. A hand on your jaw forces you to face them, your teary eyes fully exposed.
Your eyes widen at the crazed look Sanzu gives you, his grip on your jaw tightening roughly as you feel his hand tremble slightly.
Neither of you says a word as he glares down at you before roughly releasing you and snatching your wrist.
Before you can begin to struggle against his grip, a syringe is gently pressed into the skin of your neck. Your shocked gaze shifts to Kokonoi, who simply gives you a disappointed look before darkness engulfs your vision.
"If you try that again, I'll keep you chained to my bed for as long as you live," Mikey warns while you lie barely conscious on your bed.
You stare back into his dark eyes before he lowers himself, his lips pressing against your forehead.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere tokyo revengers#yandere bonten#bonten x reader#bonten#bonten trio#tokyo rev smut#tokyo rev x reader#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers#sano mikey manjiro#sano manjiro x reader#kazutora hanemiya#kazutora x reader#sanzu haruchiyo#sanzu x reader#ran haitani#ran haitani x reader#rindou haitani#rindou x reader#kakucho#kakucho x reader#kokonoi hajime#kokonoi x reader#eempyreall#eetherealgoddess#eetherealgoddesss#soulmates#soulmate au
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𝐧𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞
tags: geto suguru x you; canon-compliant (but it isn't important to this fic); set some time after his defection; you both co-parent nanako-mimiko; established relationship; domestic fluff; gentle romance.
warnings: none except this that the reader's hair is long enough to be tied into a bun. no gendered language used for the reader.
word count: 676.
oneshot, loosely related to 'peel your heart like a pomegranate'.
The living room is wrapped in stillness, save for the soft clack of your fingers on the laptop keys and the faint hum of distant traffic outside. Geto sits slouched on the couch, thumb idly scrolling his phone, his mind half-absent as he flips through post after post he doesn’t care about. He barely notices when his hand lowers slightly, his gaze drifting up and—
He sees you.
You’re seated on the carpet, cross-legged in front of the coffee table, the glow of the overhead light spilling down like a halo. It highlights the curve of your cheekbone, the soft slope of your nose, the tiny frown pulling your brows together as you stare intently at the screen. A strand of hair has fallen loose from your haphazard bun, one you’ve probably shoved up without thought, and you’re dressed in one of his old shirts—thin and worn, slipping lazily off your shoulder like it belongs there—paired with baggy shorts that swallow you whole.
It’s the most mundane of moments, the kind most people would overlook, but Geto feels his chest ache, his breath catching in his throat.
You’re not posed or polished; there’s nothing deliberate about the way you’re sitting there. But to him, it’s everything.
A kind of beauty that doesn’t have words. Real. Raw and unfiltered, like the quiet poetry of morning sunlight spilling across a room. How many times has he tried to capture moments like this—to put them into thoughts, into something he could hold onto—only to realize they can’t be contained? You—lost in thought, unaware of his gaze—are something fleeting and infinite all at once.
Before he knows it, his phone slips from his hand, forgotten as it tumbles onto the cushion beside him. He slides off the couch, the carpet warm beneath him as he sits beside you. A small smile curves his lips as he watches you, so engrossed in your work that you don’t notice him at first—not until his hand lifts, his fingers gently brushing that loose strand of hair behind your ear.
You startle slightly, blinking up at him, the crease in your brow softening. “Senpai?”
He doesn’t answer right away.
His gaze lingers, tender and quiet, like he’s etching this moment into his memory. Then, without thinking, his hand cradles your chin, his thumb brushing tenderly along your jaw, the gesture slow and deliberate before he finally leans in and presses his lips to yours.
The kiss is soft, reverent—like he’s afraid to startle you again, like the moment itself is fragile. His lips linger for a heartbeat longer than necessary, and when he finally pulls back, there’s a faint flush on your cheeks, your brows knitting in the most adorably puzzled way.
“Not that I mind,” you murmur, voice small and sweet, “but… what brought that on?”
He smiles softly, his thumb brushing over your cheek as though to smooth away your frown. “You,” he says simply, his voice low and steady—like he’s sharing a secret meant only for you.
Your brows crease again, as though you don’t quite understand, but the confusion is already giving way to a shy, fluttering smile tugging at your lips. You open your mouth to say something—maybe to question him again—but before you can, Geto's hand shifts to the back of your neck, pulling you into him once more.
The second kiss is deeper, more certain.
There’s no urgency, no rush in the way his lips move against yours—only a quiet resolve, as though he’s pouring every unspoken word, every feeling too fragile for language, into the press of his mouth. His hand remains at the back of your neck, anchoring you to him, holding you steady as the world narrows to just this moment, just the two of you, wrapped in the tender stillness of the room.
And in that stillness, as your lips yield to his, a thought unfurls in his mind—soft and undeniable: how impossibly lucky he is. That you’re here, that you’re his—to hold, to kiss, to love for the rest of his life.
general masterlist || geto suguru masterlist
#dividers by @inklore#geto x you#geto x reader#geto suguru x you#geto suguru x reader#jjk x you#jjk x reader#geto suguru#[my posts: geto suguru]
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you should know that I ⭐️ annon am the same annon as floras 🐯 annon i am the one obsessed with feaksushi nakajima
i felt like it’s only appropriate i answer this ask with tonight’s thoughts and contemplations because tonight im contemplating and thinking a lot about gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi who trips and falls into his obsession with you. he really wasn’t looking for anything, much less this. he probably meets you on an assignment, or you happen upon the Agency with an inquiry, whether you’re a civilian or from a neighboring organization—it doesn’t matter, because whatever way it happens, he never expects to be so taken with anyone so intensely, so quickly. it’s generous, really, to even say he’s met you; more like he saw you and was so awestruck that he immediately turned you over for Dazai or Kunikida to deal with so he wouldn’t have to worry about looking like a flustered mess in front of the most beautiful person he thinks he’s ever seen.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi wholly avoids you whenever you’re in proximity for business outside of sneaking longing glances at you; no way, he thinks, anyone who carries themselves like you, looks like you, talks like you, would ever go for someone like him. you fill him with a desire he feels all over; he could almost hate it, hate you for it, want to stay far away from it. but when the office empties out at the end of the day, he’s thumbing frantically through files for anything on you—a picture, a middle name, an ability, anything. he can’t pinpoint a sole reason why but he’s utterly hypnotized by you.
it’s by total chance (and thorough combing through the president’s filing cabinet) gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi stumbles upon your address. he snaps the folder closed when he sees it—maybe he can talk himself out of what he already knows he’s going to do—but ultimately, he cracks it back open, studies it, commits it to memory. it’s funny, you’re put up smack in the middle between the Agency and that place that serves really good chazuke. for good measure, he slips the wallet-sized photo identifying you out of the paper clip holding it to your file and tucks it in his pocket.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help himself. since your case was resolved earlier this week, he hasn’t seen you in days—he feels deprived of your presence, your beauty, and it would be so wrong to say he’s nabbed your number from a professional setting. better to be subtle, he thinks, and plans for it to be a one time thing: the way he’s standing across the street, watching your lights, skirting your building, hiding on your fire escape, peering up over the windowsill to catch a glimpse of you inside.
needless to say, it’s not a one time thing for gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi to slink by your place every so often; in fact, it quickly goes from only once a week to multiple times until he’s doing it every day, even many times a day—slipping out for lunch, on a late night walk, when he should be running Agency errands. it’s like you’re drawing him in with some sort of magic. when he can’t make it by to watch you from the shadows, he sits at his desk or lays in bed looking at that little picture of you. you look so quietly stunning—so professional, so assured. the desire he feels could easily breed resentment, what with how much he’s convinced himself you’d never even look in his direction under normal circumstances.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi can’t help, either, the way he comes to need you so badly without you even knowing. he lays in bed holding your photo with his lip bitten raw between his teeth while he rocks his hips back and forth against a pillow; when he closes his eyes, he pretends it’s you, pretends to hear soft, quiet good boy, Atsushis and other praises he just knows would sound heavenly leaving your lips. when he wraps his fist around his aching cock he pretends it’s your hole he’s fucking—he imagines what your sighs and moans would sound like woven between his own, fully aware that you probably don’t even remember he exists while he twitches and pants your name and spurts cum all over that little picture of your face.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi gets grumpy and weird when he hasn’t had a taste of you in too long, which winds up being alarmingly short periods of time. he snaps at his coworkers, finds the strangest excuses for scuttling out of the office—to the point where Kunikida’s irritably comparing his tardiness to Dazai’s, and Dazai’s mockingly (and knowingly) comparing his little outbursts with Kunikida’s. he’s so not himself. he knows it, too—but he can’t stop crouching beneath your window, drinking you in between the tiny gaps in your blinds, palming his dick through his pants while he watches you do the most mundane things—make dinner, sit at your computer, read a book, stretch out on the couch in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi holds onto all the little details—the way your shirt rides up when you reach for something in your cabinets, the way you absentmindedly start undoing your belt on your way to the shower, your reactions to whatever you’re watching on television—all of it. he eats up every crumb of you like he’s starving. he’s so desperate for each new piece of you he finds. soon, however, it stops feeling like enough; he needs more of you, and he feels horrible, already having gone through your file and kept your photo and watched you in what you thought was the privacy of your home, but he can’t help it. he can’t resist you.
somewhat reluctantly, gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi hatches plans to break in through your fire escape door and sneak around your place. he already knows your schedule by heart, and his mentor’s taught him enough about lock picking that it won’t be messy; he’ll wait until you’re out on the weekend, or maybe away for work, and satiate his curiosity what he thinks will be for good—this too, of course, he tells himself will be a one time thing. he just needs to be in your space, smell you, feel you—perhaps take one more little something for him to remember you by and then he can be content with the prospect of maybe seeing you around the city sometime.
but it’s not that simple for gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi, of course. no matter how terrible he feels, no matter how much his conscience screams at him that he’s a creep, he’s disgustingly desperate, once he gets a little closer to you he knows there’s no going back. the first time he pokes around, innocently admiring your thoughtfully curated trinkets and spunky magnets on the fridge and houseplants you maybe forget to water sometimes, it’s a given that he comes across your basket of dirty laundry. he wasn’t looking for it, he’d swear up and down, if someone were to ask; like you, like everything, he just found it, and he couldn’t help himself. how is it his fault you’re so perfect, and that he needs more of you like you’re a drug?
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi lets himself steal things he’s mostly positive you won’t miss too much—a cone of your favorite incense here, a stick of your chapstick there, and eventually the old briefs that always end up forgotten about at the bottom of the basket. he makes his own sick little shrine to you, burning the incense while he thinks of you, putting on your lip balm and imagining you’ve kissed him with it, jerking off with one hand while the other holds your dirty underwear to his nose and he inhales so hungrily he gets dizzy. it makes it all sweeter when he cums, out of breath and sucking oxygen down, surrounded by you, while he keeps that soiled photo close enough by that he makes a mess on it over and over again. oops.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi pushes his limits with how much he can take from you without you noticing—he watches you exit your building, sees you off on your way to work (which he’s also swung by a couple times—not that you’d have noticed), and tiptoes up to the sanctuary that is your apartment. he ends up with all sorts of souvenirs: a tiny sample bottle of your signature scent, locks of your hair from at home-trims, another photo of you off your crowded fridge door, a second pair of your underwear to blow his load into. it just gets better and better. but he needs more.
gross pathetic perv stalker!Atsushi thinks he must be crazy, breaking in this late, when he knows you could be back anytime. it’s almost like he wants you to catch him. it all comes back to the fact that he can’t help it; he needs something, anything to keep himself at bay for tonight because your underwear is so saturated with his cum these days that it’s starting to lose your smell. he’ll be quick, he thinks—that is, until he assumes he has time to jerk off facedown in your pillow, humping another pair of your underwear, and he doesn’t hear you closing your front door behind you.
#i’ll take concepts reid’s let get out of hand for 200 ken#. . . ⭐️ anon#reid speaks.ᐟ#atsushi smut#bsd smut#nnnsfw.ᐟ#cw stalking
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Writing Interview
Thanks so much for the tag @starquestingfordrarry! <333
how many works do you have on ao3? 337
what's your total ao3 word count? 1,454,047
your top 5 stories by kudos
Right Hand Red (with freakin’ 40,662; sorry, I just noticed that it had ticked over the 40k mark and I’m flabbergasted and so grateful as well <3 )
Hung Like a Horntail
Slip Into My Lover’s Hands
Weeds or Wildflowers written with sdk / @unmistakablyoatmeal
check this hand ‘cause I’m marvelous
do you respond to comments? Er… yes?? Like, very. verrrrry. slowly. But I’ll admit that some will never get answered because I lose steam and then when I start trying again, I start with the newest ones. This might sound horn-tooty, which is not how I intend it, but with the number of stories I’ve written, I get a lot of comments. I’ve found it impossible to keep up, but I do my best, even if my best is sometimes a bit crappy. I do read and appreciate every comment I get though!
what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? I don’t really do angsty endings often. When I do, it’s usually a Prongsfoot or something. Of the Drarry fics I’ve written, I have one open ending but it’s still pretty hopeful, and that’s Burning the Ground.
what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? All of them. :D My goal in life is to get readers (and myself) to cry with joy at the end of my stories. Some standouts just from memory are Heart Like Neon, Bolts, Take You Home, Jasmine in Bloom, Right Hand Red, Blood and Fire, and The Most Splendid Thing.
do you write crossovers? Maybe one or two over the last 25 years. So, statistically, not so much.
have you ever received hate on a fic? LOL of course. :D But I don’t linger on those comments. They’re quite few honestly.
do you write smut? No, never.
have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes.
have you ever had a fic translated? Yes. Quite a few have been. Not even sure how many languages, but I know there are several in Russian, Chinese, and I think both Spanish and Portuguese.
have you ever co-written a fic? Yes! With the incredibly talented sdk, @the-starryknight, and @nv-md! (And one round robin with like 552 people lol.)
what's your all-time favorite ship? Drarry, my beloved. <3
what's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? I don’t really have wips. I’m a chronic finisher. I did start something last year for a friend’s birthday and then pooped out. I ended up writing her a completely different pairing months later. And then I took some of the vibes and ideas from that unfinished fic and wrote them into other fics that I *did* finish, so… Cannibalism. Yeah.
what are your writing strengths? LOL finishing things! :D Also: smut, for sure. Humor. Sort of achy, hot romances? My trademark is writing tenderness and filth simultaneously. I’ve gotten good at pacing things well, so that beats and arcs feel well-rounded and satisfying, I think.
what are your writing weaknesses? Ugh, plot!!! Specifically non-romance-or-pairing-based plotlines are difficult for me. Heavy angst. Also stakes. I struggle to up the stakes for my characters enough to give a big payoff. I struggle to make my characters change enough or to effectively write that change in a satisfying way. (This applies more to my original writing than to fic, I think.)
what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I’m not sure what the hot take here is and if there is one I’m missing it. My original novel has a Spanish speaker and he will sometimes slip into Spanish during conversation. I wanted to get that right, so I had a native Spanish speaker (hi @capipuff!) read it to correct my bad Google-translated Spanish. So I guess my thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic is, do your best to get it right?
what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? If I want to write something, I write it. :D
what's your favorite thing you've ever written? Oof. Wow. I want to say my original novel, even though it’s also more flawed than my fic tends to be. It’s certainly one of the things I’m most proud to have written. <3 Usually my favorite fic is the last thing I’ve written and that’s true right now as well. I love The Most Splendid Thing. But before that, my favorite was probably Jasmine in Bloom, and before that it was Take You Home. Bolts is for sure in the running. Heart Like Neon is way up there as well. As is My Name in Your Mouth, because I love that Teddy Lupin with all my horny heart.
Okay I'm going to tag some of you fine folks now: Ali, you're it! Also, @writcraft @shiftylinguini @phoebe-delia @wholahoop @saintgarbanzo @academicdisasterfic @citrusses @corvuscrowned @lettersbyelise and @magpiefngrl
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Kaz answered with a soft grunt. Yet another thing saved for later, would he even remember half of this trip? This mix of lows with a few euphoric peaks. These facets of Emre cut and polished in front of him that Kaz wanted to retreat with into a grotto or dorm and hold to the light. Study them all, peer through every geometric pattern, every sparkle. An impossibility and yet Kaz wanted to spend the time trying. His ruby, no wonder he thought to swallow the ones given to him long ago.
It made him forget much of what happened. Beatings, blood. A fear totally unknown, until today. That he might've lost Emre.
He huffed, a little amused. "What you want with my mates?" Kaz's fingers weaved tight with Emre's. "Carmen, Fiona. They probably got out before all this shit went down. You're right, don't want anyone I cared about here." Seattle overrun, what other places were like this? "Fuck, we gotta be better off." They both referred to the island as home. A first for Kaz.
Kaz would prefer to talk about anything else. Not on the boat anyway, not in the middle of a mess. "Punished? Nah. I wasn't. I'm punished now with the worst headache of my life." The heel of his head pressed above gashes and swelling close to a temple. The topography of the worst parts of the trip all over his face and body.
I've only felt things for you, that I'd never felt for anyone else. So unexpected, or was it? The 'cheers' at the end, the settling back into their forced forward momentum made him question the involuntary smile on his face. Thick spears of pain pierced his head, neck, shoulders, chest-- damn near everywhere else. All made it difficult to comprehend much. Perception skewed, maybe Kaz didn't know what to make of anything at the moment.
As long as he was understood. "Georgie was a drop of rain." The steady rainfall had grown heavier, not the usual thin mist. All Kaz had to do was open a hand, and a fat bead of water splattered on his skin, like a little explosion. "Me and you, we're the ocean." Probably sounded cheesy as fuck, but through what he assumed at that point was a concussion he suffered, it needed to be said.
Those words, my humanity, my goals. People kept as memories (Omar, Urmilla, Ajit). All a succinct barbed wire string of moving images cinched around his heart for Emre. Kaz stood quiet for a moment.
His hand unlatched from Emre's to cradle a face he'd not tired of examining, at great distances as well as up close, with eyes shut to dreams or rubbing the sleep away in the morning. Kaz kissed him. Not near as long as he'd like, but he lingered as much as possible in the soft heat, while bobbed around on the waves. When he broke away, Kaz said, "When we were on the water, you asked me if you were the most beautiful." They were interrupted by that fuckwit Feroze. "I said you were a beautiful thing. And you're the most beautiful too."
Kaz felt he'd spilled so much of himself, like the insides of the bodies they needed to dump. Unforgivably obvious, as slippery and bright red across the deck as the blood at their feet. Then, he was smiling again. "Don't think you were an ass. I liked it. You don't sing anymore. Guess you woo'ed me and were done with the songs, yeah?" A tease, of course.
There they were, sucked through some existential bilge pump and spit back out into a very cold and bitter sea. Surreal to hear Georgina, of all people, inform them of the state of the family Raval. The facts (lies? very probably from Georgie to throw at least a few in) were sorted as he might have back in his days as a journalist. All block lettered in sharply drawn columns, hints with sketches to accompany. To place in a dead file, bury, or use when something missing called to him.
Kaz didn't spring to life again until Georgie claimed he was needy. "Are you joking?" A poisonous laugh burst from his throat, despite the knowledge she made every attempt to wind him up. "Holy shit-- you were THE neediest person I'd ever me!" So many examples to choose from. "Was it the 3rd time we fucked that you said you were pregnant? Just to trap me? Stop lying Georgie. All you did was try to run off my friends. If you thought I was meeting up with someone you didn't like, you'd call me back saying someone was stalking you. Or your brother beat you up, remember that one? For five fucking minutes of your life. Stop."
Georgie scoffed, seemingly unable to counter what Kaz threw at her. You know Ali's on this boat? Her eyes flitted over to meet Emre's. A long pause, what Georgie clearly envisioned to be dramatic. A visual check-mate, before she simpered, 'I do believe you know the answer.'
Outside in the cold wind, Emre seemed more serious than before. Not that Kaz wasn't. But he still reeled from Georgie's insanity, and fought the desire to crash in the captain's unmade bed.
"We're a few hours out from Seattle. I say we dump Georgie and head to Victoria, but doubt we'd have the gas for it. Maybe we can make it to the coast at least. Emre, you're thinking about something, I can tell. Is it Georgie? What is it?" We know the rules, luv.
When Ali was confronted by the news-- your brother's dead --he snapped his wrist out of Emre's grip and covered it with his other hand. Big brown eyes went even wider and tears welled, which made Ali seem even more fragile. After a long pause, his mouth knotted up. Tears spilled, first from the right eye and then both.
His anger burned a hole through Emre. 'You're lying.' A pause, then a shout. 'You're LYING!' A swift leg whipped out to kick Emre's shin. Then, small hands gave Emre a shove to the stomach before balled fists lashed out.
'Where is my brother!' Ali whirled around to face Kaz, like an adolescent kitten's attempt to intimidate the two adult alleycats that cornered him. His lower lip began to quiver and his voice rose higher. 'Feroze! I found them, those two DICKS,' said like a proud 12 year old cursing for the first time, which wasn't far from the truth for Ali. Then, blurted as he reached for the first thing he could: an empty bucket on deck, that he threw at Kaz's chest.
Kaz managed to dodge the bucket and held his hands up. "Hey, it's true. You know your brother was involved in some shady shit. But." A quick glance at Emre. "This guy wants to help you, okay. So stop shouting! I know it's not how it's supposed to be. We didn't want this either." As Kaz went on, Ali's eyes landed on a thin trail of blood on the deck, and began to follow it visually as it widened into a pool. As dark as it was out, the moon seemed to highlight the violence. As well as the ghostly unmoving arm on deck, a hint of the Captain's speargunned body around the corner.
Kaz dropped a hand to Ali's shivering shoulder, the truth shaking Ali's whole frame. "Feroze isn't coming! He's gone. You gotta suck it up. You gotta keep going. So, let us help you get the hell out of here in one piece."
Kaz blinked. Thought he did, anyway. When his eyes opened, he was still hunched over little Ali, fingers cupped at the kid's shoulder.
But they weren't on the boat anymore.
Kaz slowly straightened up. They stood under an umbrella of light from a street lamp. Evergreen trees soared and peeks of a snowy mountain popped through the green from far away. They were at the corner of a neighborhood street lined with older single family homes. One car garages and small but fairly neat lawns. Not sprawling or anything fancy, built for practical living rather than to impress.
Ali asked the reasonable question of where are we, and Kaz whispered back equally as stunned that he wasn't certain. Except. It was way too familiar...
Two kids around Ali's age sat on bikes in a nearby driveway. A boy and a girl. Siblings. Maybe even twins. They stared silently at Kaz and Ali. Oddly in observation.
Ali waved, and Kaz grabbed his hand to force down. He called out. "Reyansh? Ani?"
The kids made no sound between them. Their eyes said more, the girl confused and the boy protective. They circled their bikes out of the driveway to pedal away. The girl in particular cast a look over her shoulder as they took off in the opposite direction.
"Oh, fuck. Fuck. Ahhh." He looked around. "Emre! We gotta find Emre. EM! WHERE ARE YOU??"
"He's only a little," Emre sighed, not bothering to hold back his sentimentality. Kaz wouldn't deride him for feeling things, not like Emre's old mates. And Kaz didn't follow up, leaving Emre to believe perhaps Kaz allowed a bit of softening too; if not for his sake, or Ali's sake, but for Emre's. The power of influence, and love. Emre had used love before to manipulate Iyaz, for Iyaz's own good (so Emre convinced himself). With Kaz, though? It felt...so clean, so honest. Emre couldn't help a beaming little smile, incongruous to their surroundings.
Still picking at a carcass. Trust Kaz to point out the hard, dire reality. "Are we the lucky ones? Got my mum, running for her life. Here's your Seattle, caught up in this mad-max survival. I'd wondered if we'd run into your mates here, but maybe...it's better we don't find out what happened to them. Kaz.." Emre wanted to reach out, say he was sorry. But it sounded trite, stupid. He just held Kaz's hand instead, fingers pressing into Kaz's sturdy palm.
Shaking his head, Emre knew he wouldn't figure out the map-word mystery. Maybe it didn't even matter. As Kaz implied: they didn't belong in this world, not anymore. And Kaz caressed and pinched, and looked at Emre like they were the only things that did matter. It wouldn't be the first time everything around them was cut away, leaving only Kaz to fill Emre's entire gaze. All-encompassing - those terms of endearment tumbling so naturally from Kaz's mouth, like little diamonds.
Emre held Kaz's hand in place and murmured, plaintively, "I could lie in your little unmade bed for a million years. I want to go home." Home. The island. A place of relative safety and privilege. A place to not think about anything else but Kaz. Selfish, indulgent, and perhaps even lucky.
In this old fishing boat throughway, Kaz unlocked more recollections of himself and Georgie. Love. It was love, though Kaz wouldn't say it. And Georgina knew it and broke Kaz's heart. "So you knew what it felt like. And you were punished for it anyway."
Emre marveled at this little gem of information, unsure how to parse it just yet. He was exhausted, Kaz even moreso, he imagined. Yet Emre still continued, "I've only felt things for you, that I'd never felt for anyone else. Not even Melz." Emre smiled, guessing Kaz might ask. "Not sure what to make of all this right now, if I'm honest. But. Cheers for telling me, yeah. I mean it."
Emre hummed at Kaz's query. "Loads of things. Seemed only thing I did manage to let go of though, was bits of myself, innit. My humanity. My - my goals and dreams and hopes and that. If I lost anymore people though, who would I have left? I couldn't let go of them, nah. Not even as memories. I replayed memories a million times in my head."
Singing in the rock. New, bright memories flooded in. Emre kissed his teeth, lightly butting his head against Kaz's shoulder. "Fucking hell, of course you'd hold onto my most embarrassing moments. Precious memories is me making an arse of myself, is that it?" A low, amused chuckle, fully adoring and in complete contrast of their dire surroundings. But currently, it truly was just him and Kaz right now, nothing and no one else.
The world couldn't stay dammed-up for long though. It returned in big, forceful chunks around Emre's periphery, and here they were stood, completely knackered and filthy and bloody and stuck in a tin can on the water of a nightmare city.
Back with Georgie, who was looking a bit worse for the wear. Did she feel it? She mocked them, but still gave up the gossip anyway. Something to do, something to manipulate Kaz with, she likely hoped. Dad in prison, brother...somewhere. Mum divorced. That was surprising to Emre. "Priya didn't follow Edward as well. And look what she made of herself, staying in Seattle. Pairing up with you." His lip curled at Georgina.
Georgie's glare remained on Kaz, though. "On a beach. And you paired up too? With him?" She tried a flippant toss of her grey-gold hair. "Kazzy could never stay alone for long. He's soooo needy."
Kaz, the most self-sufficient man that Emre had ever known. The very definition of 'lone wolf'. He actually could imagine a younger Kaz, duped by this woman and the ideals of love, deciding to reject everything to do with love entirely. The Raval's had done a good job scrubbing that concept raw; then Georgina came along and made it worse, an infection for Kaz to rid himself of completely.
Emre did his best not to look directly at Kaz. Because Kaz would read everything in Emre's eyes, he knew; and Georgina would see that. Her childish retort, and Emre silently prompted her with the map. She decided on one port: Fermé. Emre thinned his eyes.
"You know Ali's on this boat?" His tone was ominously quiet. Was Frank the captain supposed to encounter them mid-sail? Did Georgina somehow plan all of - no. That was impossible. Georgina couldn't have masterminded how this all fell out. She hadn't expected Emre to even make it out of that operating table back on Whidbey.
And as if on cue, Ali started up his caterwauling. Fucking hell, Emre hated coincidences.
At Kaz's beckon, Emre followed him back outside. Emre stared hard at the dark water and moonlit islands around them. Not many other lights to guide them. Not even any lighthouses, no blinking buoys to warn them off rocky juts in the water. It was dangerous, sailing like this. They needed land, or they needed teleporting out of there.
"Even if we land there, what then? We just...wait up to five days? Let Georgina go? How far are we from Seattle, now?" Take Ali back to their island? Emre blinked in surprise at Kaz. "We know the rules, luv. We can't risk breaking them with a child..." Could they? Save Ali or get him killed - were those their only two choices?
The little sod had impeccable timing. Emre chastized Kaz with a look for stomping on the hatch - he opened it, and hauled Ali out by his shirt collar. Emre let him stand, but held onto Ali's thin wrist.
"Run if you like but there's no where to go, I'm afraid." And then bluntly, "Your brother's dead. He knew the sort of life he got - got you both into, didn't he. Now he's dead for it. You're all alone, now. You was in this hatch when we found you, reckon Captain Frank would trade you for parts, yeah?" Emre held Ali's tattooed wrist to see. "Feroze every told you what he actually did then? Working for Georgina? She's in there, if you want to go to her."
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“Tell me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am, or what I’m not?
Tell me, mother, which should I regret: what I became, or what I didn’t?”
- source
#i realized i almost never do anything with itachi and his parents so this one post is dedicated to them#the regret of killing them would have killed him before his actual death#what kind of child he was to raise a sword against his own parents?#his parents weren't even angry that he'd betrayed them at last#all the nightmares that would have followed him in which they hated him for everything and he would have no defense#who held him when he cried thinking of his mom? who comforted him when he choked on his tears thinking of his father's last words?#who was there for him when memories of his family became too much to handle and he would just collapse unable to breathe#maybe just maybe when the first symptoms of his illness showed he thought#that it was just one of his regular coughing fits that came with the onslaught of the memories of his parents#did he ever want to crawl back to sasuke and tell him how miserable he was and how much he missed their parents#where did the strength to be entirely indifferent and inhuman composure come to him#how much practice did it take? how many days? months? years?#did people around him ever suspect how much he was suffering?#all from thinking about his dead parents whom he killed#whose blood never left his tiny fingers and soaked into his flesh and blended into his own#how much misery was encapsulated into those expressionless features that never gave away even the slightest hint of pain#itachi uchiha#uchiha itachi#itachi#mikoto#mikoto uchiha#fugaku uchiha#fugaku
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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Gripped with ideas but….. the panelling………….
#banging my head against the wall#Im probably thinking abt it too hard but ive never given much thought abt executing my ideas till now#usually I just get out as many things as I can in messy sketches but because this one has Structure and Unspoken Thoughts that need to be#conveyed properly using mood and emotion than words I actually need to be a little deliberate abt how I go about expressing it#i found some tips for composition and going thru my comics for reference and trying to line it up with what I have in mind#but the mood im going for is more of a quiet looming dread.. like. yknow when a bunch of bad memories start rushing out while your mind#is in the present. im thinking of having paralleling panels to kind of build on symmetry or making comparisons to a past experience#i was thinking of having another set of overlapping panels showing the characters reaction to those thoughts in real time like a pencil#slipping out of their hand and falling to the floor but I don’t wanna clutter the page too much so maybe not#I don’t have much experience writing comics I just like to read em.. I’m sure it’ll be at least decent for a first attempt. hopefully#that way I can build up confidence for my other zelda comic ideas heh#without saying too much….. the idea I have in mind is about fort hateno and children’s nursery rhymes ;)#yapping
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Does anyone else automatically size themselves up with people their age and look for ways that you’re inferior to them? Just me? Ok….
#the reasons why I think like this are…complicated#honestly a lot to do with the#adhd struggle bus#surprise surprise the neurodevelopmental condition has overarching and very specific effects on my life and how I interact with the world#of course disclaimer that this weird thing I have is not inherent to adhd#but maybe is a way of thinking I developed in part due to it#this is a me thing if anyone else relates to this fine but you don’t have to#I think thi oversharing series is a way for me to microdose journaling#I try to get into journaling but I have way too many thoughts#it’s all or nothing either I write nothing or I spend 3 hours documenting everything thought I had that week#I think a lot of this has to do with my persistent issues with time management#and I’ve tried to hide this struggle in a lot of ways because ngl it’s embarrassing#to the point where I held myself back from doing certain things I wanted to do because ‘hmm could you handle it though you’re already#struggling to manage in school with the bare minimum. maybe you just suck’#and this is probably because I went to a college prep school so yeah#there were 14 year olds taking multivariable calculus and people with various talents#to say that I was intimidated would be an understatement. it’s strange because while in middle school my self esteem was decent it dropped#in high school like how stock prices dropped in the beginning of Covid#even though I was like an ok kid I somehow convinced myself that I was dumb and inept#all because I struggled with one area in my life#honestly I’m not sure if I can paint a clear picture of this time. for one#memories are complex. but I do remember feeling that way and needing a lot of support to be hyped up#fuck#I’m now remembering how my aunt used to be that person. she was my cheerleader growing up and practically raised me in childhood#she passed away from cancer right when I turned 15#shit I’m crying now#during this time in my life I needed a lot of reassurance since I took any small failure as a sign from the universe that I was indeed inept#it was her and my middle school friend who used to rant to me about dragon ball and pewdiepie that hyped me up#my parents were a mixed bag. unfortunately they too sorta overreacted to things like getting a B in math. they used to make me feel like#uchiha-gaeshi overshares
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wow you guys weren't lying about about restoration being weird and kinda bad
#red vs blue#rvb19 spoilers#rvb restoration spoilers#that was strange...#why did they do that#im not a complete hater. it was fun to watch but didnt feel like an ending at all...#the pacing was soooo strange... why did they spend so long on an extended zoom joke#and then kill doc off in like one sentence and have carolina on screen for about 2 seconds.... guys what were you thinking!!!#really funny that south is in wash's little memory line up. buddy you killed her#tex coming back was a veeery good decsion though i enjoyed that alot#dare i say the tex scene was the only part that felt well thought out and in character to me... okay maybe i am a hater#also i was soooo excited when i heard about the niner cameo but was disapionted abt her va changing#new va wasnt bad but lee eddy 497er will always be famous to me#anyway just soooo many weird choices#⚔️
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SCREMS my snautsticic child he is trying ok!!!!!! one tiny snake human hybrid built from the cave-ground-up, , attempting to learn all the implicit rules of humanness?! as if it isn't already tough enough out here!!!!
#ALL he has to work off of is the Great Serpent's memories? fuzzy clips of ppl he might have seen or interacted with??#depending on the kind of snake he was he could have a variety of defense mechanisms#he could have had to suppress his hissing instinct. or maybe he contorted his body in that adorably vertical corn snake way when he scared#big baby eyes trying to mimic the ppl around him but they are busy being judgemental#so many stupid little human things that villagers try to explain to him as “that's just the way it is” or “never really thought about why”#and yakumo just stares in disbelief bc how could u have never thought about the concept of goosebumps#you're telling me ur skin turns into plucked-bird-skin when you're cold or frightened and that is completely mundane?#you're telling me that when ppl try to hug you it is NOT because they want to strangle u to death and eat u????#how much strength am i supposed to put into a hug then. NOT bone crushimg??????#WHAT EMOTION IS THIS GESTURE SUPPOSED TO CONVEY#the tags tho#now imagining blade and yakumo shaking hands and discussing “why are humans such funky lil guys and why do they do the things they do”#several of the non-humans gather in a monthly meeting like:#on today's agenda: WTF is kissing. why are they smashing their food holes together.#one week they bring in a guest human (edmond?) and ask him all of humanity's big questions from non-human POV#and edmond's just like ??? i don't know???!?!??#and eberyone throws up their arms in frustration bc if humans don't make sense to the humans then what are we supposed 2do#nu carnival yakumo
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quick question, does the khux trio (ephemer/player/skuld) have an official unofficial name that the fans use a lot? like how we have the destiny trio, seasalt trio, and wayfinder trio?
#i was writing a post about parallels between trios and this thought suddenly came to mind bc i drawing blanks when it came to skulmerayer#🤔if there is one maybe it just didnt stick to my memory as well as the others#but yeah. question.#oof i have sooo many thoughts and i dont share enough of them. khux means sooooooo much to me so i'd like to start talking about it more#questions#khux#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts union x#kingdom hearts union cross#khux player#khux skuld#khux ephemer#tags for visibility
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MAN. You ever got like REALLY FUCKING PASSIONATE about A Vision and you feel SO INSANE ABOUT IT and then. Hhh actually don't care. I was like FEVERISH OVER THIS. THOUGHT I WAS SOOOOOO ONTO SOMETHING. But now I just couldn't care less LMFAOOOOO
WELL. Sequence of Events:
> Attempt to find a suitable name for a potential Pokemon trainer OC, thinking of the common naming conventions (flowers/plants, colors)
> Instructions unclear made another Moe.
Loupin. I mean Loupin.
Lifted from the book I was reffing:
Lupinus - Dejection, Imagination, Voraciousness -- to comtemplate upon a wild lupinus is believed by some to present a portal to the fairy world.
Lupinus texensis - Forgiveness, Self-sacrifice, Survival. Specifc colors - Pink, Memories of those who died, Struggle to survive.
Idk the more I look at my sketches the angrier I am it just didn't come out... I don't even know. This isn't even really canon, like I've said before. If Moe stayed in the dream realm it would just be a completely different person. It would be a tragedy. I never wanted to explore it as a possibility.
But then I was just Struck. With SUUUUUCH a strong image. Of, the idea behind all the fairies, that they never had a chance to grow up. I was thinking about pixies and imps. I was thinking of a dream pixie that delivers prankish dreams. The idea, that at first glance, you really Can't tell which realm Loupin is associated with. Then it casts Wake Up and Get Ready For Work dream or You're Out In Public Butt Ass Naked Unable to Find Clothes dream or Totally Safe For Use Toilet I Promise dream. It's...... ultimately harmless...? But COME ON, MAN.
Okay but going back a minute. About the not growing up, detail. That, this version of Moe would be stuck as an eternal child. I was ESPECIALLY thinking about "ideal selves", and that Moe has never seen a future for itself. Even as a child. It could never imagine what it would even look like all grown up. And I was thinking about how each fairy Wishes for something, that's a direct response to their trauma. Ideal Self + Unable to see a future for itself + What it wishes for.
Then I had a BEAUTIFUL. INCREDIBLE VISION. Loupin is a beast unit. OF COURSE MOE'S IDEAL SELF WOULD BE A BEAST UNIT (LIKE. Baby Moe In Particular). Sharp pointy fangs and BIG HUGE CLAWS and strong legs for running and HOOVES. TO KICK AND STOMP YOU TO DEATH WITH. YOU BITCH ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️For extra flair (and speed!), its wings are more dragonfly-like. And a cute little tail............ hell, the way this is going, you don't even gotta introduce it to it/its pronouns it's probably already fucking there. Could also speak to some dehumanization experienced in a previous life but don't worry about that. There's actually plenty of things here you don't gotta worry about. Definitely don't overanalyze the fact that it could never see a future for itself that every day was just survival mode and what it wants for the Most is a way to either defend itself make itself Scary or be really fast.
Godddd okay okay but there's Something. Too. To the fact that this Moe is frozen in time, 12 at absolute oldest. I was aiming for a more androgynous look, too. But for the idealized self to remove anything that it could be sexualized for against its will. Remove everything it has to "protect", add more bells and whistles for protection.
GAAAHH MAYBE. MAYBE. THE PROBLEM. Is I just got too much shit going on LMFAOO and I ALWAYS. REALLY REALLY STRUGGLE W THE FAIRY DESIGNS. BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I gave up on the color palette halfway LMFAOOO LIKE. This is very much a First first draft. But also, not something I feel too compelled to spend any more time on...? It is just a thought experiment, at its core. Any which way. I do love it... the Idea of Loupin.............. unfortunately if I think too hard about the ramifications of Loupin I will cry and throw up though. No world where this can be canon. SAD❗
#moe tag#moe lore#KINDA#like. for loupin to exist that means moe never returned to its family and that's gonna make me feel ill.#LITERALLY A HUGE PLOTPOINT. OF MOE'S DREAM REALM ARC. OR LIKE. THE V EMD OF IT???#is moe deciding for itself not to drink the nectar. leaving without saying goodbye to anyone there.#only thought on its mind with a smile is 'i have people who will miss me.'#and it just. entirely different flavor of gutting. when you look at moe now. ALSO MANI!!!! MANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT NEUROTIC CUNT.#GOD it's such a beautiful and fascinating thing. my relationship to mani now. esp everything it was borne out of.#BUT MAN. MAN. the idea of loupin IS really fun. endless comedic potential. like other baby moeisms#is a deep longing for adventure. no goal in mind whatsoever. just. adventure. sonic the hedgehog style#the idea. that freyja has one feral nightmare child that just roams around at will.#GOD. EVERYONE CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT. very thin ice truce w peony (please behave yourself! >:T)#plumeria wants it to grow the fuck up SO BAD. INSUFFERABLE. (refuses to admit she would fight for it)#triandra is maybe jealous of loupin's more easygoing nightmares. if such a thing could exist.#mirabilis may be the only one who can get along w loupin without incident. until loupin creates incidents.#ALSO THE PINK LUPINS. I TRIED SO HARD NOT TO OVERLAP. BUT. the 'memory of those who died'#symbolically. this would be a death. in a way. GOES INSANE.#overlap color wise i mean. which is. really fucking difficult when all versions of moe use such warm colors.#i do really love this idea. i do i really do. but the ramifications.... the fucking rammies....#my art#loupin tag#its own tag. as a treat.
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Did you ever self-insert into SnK? If yes, what was your backstory? What was your rank? What was your casual outfit like? And who was your bae? 👀
#asks#lovers ₊˚ᰔ#i read snk and i get violent memories of the war babe#i honestly don't know if i'm mentally prepared to answer that question now lskdkd#i love you and appreciate so much that you want to know about it but 1) yall know i have no history (?) 😭 in just there#my fav loves me but i don't have so many details to fill in how we met and stuff. about lore... i have practically nothing but eren. gulps.#eren really was a dangerous stage of my life#he's that ex i don't want to talk about. because i wasn't me when i liked and thought about eren#i love him so much and he goes hand in hand along with levi; my husband; i love levi so much from the bottom of my soul#armin is my legitimate son <3 i gave birth to him! and honorable mentions: erwin my beloved#our story is that one day i fucked him in his office. that man makes me shiver. what a man#i want to know everything about you! 🎤#my guess for you is that your favorite may be erwin but i want to hear all about it please#i'm still hurting from the manga ending but. i'm still grieving and processing it#maybe that's why i still can't talk about it. sobs
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